Quite frankly, sexual exploration is really one of my greatest joys in life, especially when people choose to include me in their explorations. I absolutely love guiding people and finding out what works and doesn’t work, what feels amazing and what someone could maybe do without.
When you set out on a journey in order to discover what it is you’re looking to experience, it can be overwhelming. Sex is seriously only limited by our imaginations! With an infinite number of options at hand, where does one even decide to begin?
When I first started my own personal journey, I followed the blood trail, almost literally. What kinds of thoughts and images got my blood rushing and made my cheeks flush? What made my pussy throb? What got me wet? Whether it was the Sleeping Beauty trilogy that Anne Rice wrote, or a book about sexual fantasies, I followed the trail. Imagining myself in the situations described, or imagining doing those things to others, I started to find my path. Eventually, I got to experience many of the things I’d only dreamed of, and the results were often quite mixed, especially in the beginning.
Living out fantasies is very different than having them. In your mind, you literally control every aspect of your fantasy world, and you can get as detailed as you like, right down to what someone’s breath smells like. That’s what makes fantasies so wonderful! They are literally perfect every single time. You’re also always in control, which is a very comfortable spot to be.
Once you start experimenting with bringing your fantasies to life, you have to take a few things into consideration (and by “a few,” I mean “a lot”). The most important thing to remember is this:
WE ARE HUMANS. WE ARE NOT PERFECT. AND NO ONE CAN REALISTICALLY EXPECT US (OR OUR EXPERIENCES) TO BE PERFECT, EVER.
Your brain-time fantasies are oftentimes held as the zenith of perfection – and for getting off by yourself, that’s rad! Your fantasies should be exactly what you want them to be! When you add another person into the mix and start playing in real-time, your controlled fantasy environment seeks to be. Events and attitudes ebb and flow. Something you’ve thought about for years and that’s gotten you hard for just as long can quickly turn into something you’d hope to never experience again (single-tail whippings are certainly hot in porn, but man are they painful).
Having a partner that you can communicate with and trust is really important as well! Remember that if you’re seeking out a partner that has experience in an area that you don’t, you ultimately have the say in what happens to you. If you want something to stop, you can either arrange a safe word ahead of time and use it in order to stop the action, or if you’re like me, (unless there is a certain type of play happening), when someone asks me to stop, I simply stop. Talking about what happened to cause the stopping is important, but more than likely, switching activities will redirect your playtime and keep things hot and saucy.
Again – we can never anticipate fully how we are going to react to certain types of play! This is something that even the most sexually adventurous people understand and embrace, and it makes playtime endlessly interesting and hot while also being mindful and compassionate.
Also keep in mind that some activities take time to enjoy – if a stimulus is new, it can be quite shocking to both our minds and bodies. Of course, you may decide to never try that particular activity again, but I know full well that some of my favorite things definitely took some time to acquire a taste for.
Whatever you decide to explore, whether it’s role playing or impact play or golden showers or bondage or prostate play remember that you’re supposed to enjoy yourself! That’s the most important thing.
Until next time!
To read more on Erin Black‘s musings, check out her blog!