To kick off (and kink off) the re-start of our Featured Artist Interviews, we have an endlessly fascinating switch player and one of the newest Artists to be featured on AOD – Amber Amante! Let’s get to know her…
Amber, a huge welcome to AOD! What brought you here?
Thank you! I’m super excited to be here! I’ve been kinky in my personal life for over 8 years now, as a player, educator, and party promoter. A few months ago, AoD babe Mandie Rae suggested that I try my hand at playing professionally, and I’ve been hooked ever since!
I always love asking this question – How did you find out you were kinky?
I met this cute guy at a Halloween party, and he messaged me on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) and asked me if I liked bondage. I had no idea what bondage was, but I said I was open to trying it after he explained what it was. I went over his house, and he tied me up with rope, and I couldn’t get enough. He would go on to introduce me to impact play and power exchange, and he eventually became the first person I ever had sex with (yes, I explored kink before I explored sex!). I got into the public kink scene in NYC 8 years ago, exclusively as a bottom, but I picked up topping once cute people with great butts started to ask me to hurt them.
I understand…butts are pretty tempting! You are a top-leaning switch now. What does that mean?
I started playing with kink as a bottom, but when I discovered topping, I fell in love with it. I still bottom in some instances and to some people, but I strongly prefer to be the person in control of the action. For me, submitting is an occasional treat whereas domination is my passion every day.
It’s often difficult to get in the mind of someone who is naturally dominant to find their submissive side, especially for new partners. So tell us, what pushes your submission buttons?
I’m really into objectification as a submissive: I want to be reduced to my usefulness. I like being given tasks or challenges to complete that will make the person dominating me happy. Maybe I’m just here to look pretty. Maybe I’m just meant to hold your drink. Maybe I’m just here to struggle and beg for your amusement.
Seems like when it’s not done well, it could be diminishing and hurtful. What tips can you give your partners to build a happy and healthy scene around you bottoming?
I think that all of my best scenes as a bottom start with a conversation about what turns me on and what makes me feel comfortable; I want to know that my partners care about me and my needs, even if the scene that we’re about to do will be more structured around their needs. I also think checking in during the scene is super helpful. Lean in, grab my hair, and growl into my ear, “Do you like that?” or “Can you take more for me?”. I’ll answer truthfully, and if I say no, you can ask me to do something else without ruining the moment. I don’t like being set up to fail. At the end of the scene, I want to know that I did a good job, and it’s really helpful when my partners tell me what they enjoyed about our scene.
You told me you are moving to Boston soon. When do you leave us?
I touch down on August 26th.
What are you excited for in Boston?
I’m most excited about meeting new people, making new friends (and getting into all sorts of trouble with those friends), and finding new dessert places! I have a wicked sweet tooth.
Do you have any fun plans for the rest of August in NYC?
The rest of August is a whirlwind of activity! I’m hosting a private kink party this weekend, going to another play party the following week, and hosting my own going away party before I move to Boston.
People new to the scene are always asking how to get into play parties. Any advice?
Yes! So much advice. If you’re between the ages of 18 and 35, check out your local TNG (that stands for The Next Generation) chapter. You can often find TNG chapters and their events on Fetlife (it’s like a kinky Facebook). TNG often has events that cater to newbies. If you’re outside of the TNG age range, I recommend joining Fetlife and searching for munches in your area. A munch is a low pressure meet-up at a restaurant where folks who are kinky (or curious about kink) can come together and chat with likeminded people. Munches are great because there’s no pressure to play because you’re in a restaurant; you really *shouldn’t* be playing there. Munches allow you to meet people who are new as well as people who are more experienced, and you can usually ask the more experienced folks what parties they recommend, and then you can get a sense of specific play parties before actually checking them out. Once you’ve heard about a play party that sounds appealing to you, you can find the entry requirements (some parties want you to register online, some parties want to get a sense of your experience with kinky spaces, some parties want you to come with a buddy, etc.) and go, go, go!
You mentioned that you are a kink educator. What topics are you especially passionate about sharing?
Sure thing! I teach sex education and fetish classes on a variety of topics, but my favorite subjects to teach are co-topping (two Dommes, 1 sub), fisting, urethral insertions, deepthroating, and strap-on play.
What’s on your kink agenda? Any scenes in the works that you are excited about?
Yes! I’m getting the chance to reconnect with one of my favorite playmates this month; she really lets me take her to dark places. I love using this altitude training mask on her; it allows me to restrict the amount of air she can take in without having to use one (or both) of my hands to cover her nose and mouth, which means I can beat her and throw her around without having to worry about her breathing more than I want her to. We also tend to do a lot of fear play: I threaten her with things that terrify her, like cattle prods and stun guns, and I delight in her (futile) attempts to flee.
In your profile, you list “fear play” as a like for Domming. Can you tell us more about that? What can a potential new partner except from you in this realm?
Just reading this question made me hungry for fear haha. For me, fear play refers to scenes in which someone allows me to play with the things that scare them. It’s very individualized because one person’s fears and phobias aren’t necessarily the same as the next person’s. When someone is interested in exploring fear play with me, I ask them what scares them (common answers include pain, electricity, being unable to breathe, and needles) and then I ask them how much I can force them to confront their fear. For example, I have a play partner who is terrified of needles. He wouldn’t let me pierce him, but he would let me hold an uncapped needle against his skin. I would get on top of him and pin him down, and hold the needle against his chest and tell him that he should be careful about struggling…he might prick himself. It was a great predicament because he was so terrified of needles that his thoughts would be consumed with getting away, but he also desperately didn’t want to get stuck by accident either.
Diabolical! That sounds like it can get pretty intense. How do you balance that out in a scene?
I’m here for visceral reactions and vulnerability. I don’t want it to feel real; I want it to BE real. Real pain, real fear, real catharsis, real laughter, real joy. Kink and BDSM offers unique opportunities for deep connection and vulnerability, and I want to take full advantage of those.
I also hear you have a particular adoration for GS play, both giving and receiving. Tell us more!
My earliest memory is of being potty trained; I remember turning around, picking up the potty and drinking from it. These days, I’m a bit more selective about drinking piss, but I adore playing with it. I love the sound of a strong stream of piss hitting a toilet or the ground or a person. I love feeling its warmth hit my skin. I love that groan of release that someone makes when they finally relieve themselves after holding it in for a while. I love covering my partners in my pee, marking them as mine in that moment. I love forcing someone to drink several bottles of water and then making them beg me to pee. I love peeing in fancy glassware and forcing someone to drink it. If I’m feeling especially mean, I’ll put it in the fridge before making them taste it. I could go on and on about this, but the “too long, didn’t read” version is that I have a lifelong love affair with watersports.
I’m sure that’s an affair other people would love to partake in! (GS lovers, take note!)
Tell us more about your hobbies outside of kink play. What do you enjoy doing in your time away from kink?
One of them is pretty obvious from my pictures: body modification. I love tattoos and piercings of all sorts, and I’m hoping to have most of my body tattooed. I’m also looking into getting a cutting/flesh removal at some point, but I haven’t decided on the design or the location just yet. In addition to putting art on my physical canvas, I’m really into making (musical) art. I’m a classically-trained musician; I’ve been playing the clarinet for 10 years now. Each year, I get a season subscription to the NY Philharmonic because listening to classical music performed live sends chills up and down my spine. On a less artistic note, I love playing the Sims (The Sims 3 is the best iteration of the game; I will fight you on that)! Maybe it’s just an extension of my desire to control people, but I love creating storylines and playing out the lives of simulated humans.
Now that’s a fun idea for a scene! A Sims Domme…haha! Have you ever thought about orchestrating and controlling a group of people just like Sims…like, dungeon Sims?
I’ve never thought about that before, but it could be hot! I like the idea of turning down the “Free Will” function on people haha (for those of you who don’t play the Sims, the amount of free will the simulation humans have is adjustable based on the player’s preferences). It seems like it might be hard in real life though because I use the pause button pretty aggressively while playing the game; it’s hard to pause people in real life!
Sign me up to be a Sims slave! ;-)
Let’s conclude on that high note! Amber, we are so excited to get to know you. I hope NYC can show you a good dose of kinkiness before you leave us for Boston! And New Englanders, please welcome her with sweets and gifts of your fear and tears. We know she’ll relish both!
Check out her Artist profile here, and email her at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an unforgettable scene!