When your hot date mentions that she’s got a kink, the first thing that comes to mind is fuzzy handcuffs, not frosted cupcakes. Food play, or “sploshing,” is harder to define than hard or soft, thuddy or stingy. A well stocked pantry provides many options for sensory play and can unlock new avenues to explore power exchange, intimacy, and perversity.

Consider your five senses: sight, hearing, smell, touch, and, of course, taste. How does the food look when it is prepared? Five star restaurants plate their dishes with care and hire pastry chefs with the skills of Michelangelo to make the visual experience of fine dining just as pleasurable as the olfactory one. The rolling boil of water and precise chop of a sharp knife produce a much different emotional response than the ding of a microwave. Not necessarily better or worse for us kinky folk, just different. Consider smells so strong they make one man’s mouth water, another stifle his gag reflex. Mouth-feel is considered an important quality of the food that we consume, but our tongue, lips, and pallet don’t have to hog all the fun. When was the last time you felt something cool and creamy between your toes? Or turned yourself and a good friend into the two halves of a pb&j?

Input from all of our senses hugely influences our perception of flavor. If we are already convinced that something is “meh,” then even the richest chocolate truffle will not be memorable. Stick a few sexy kinksters with confetti cannons in a generic white cake, and you’ve got yourself a really sweet party. There is an entire genre of cookbooks dedicated to tricking kids into eating their vegetables, and adults are just as impressionable.

Material fetishes aside, power exchange is the magic elixir that transforms mundane actions and objects into the centerpieces of our hottest fantasies. Feeding and being fed can be either dominant or submissive depending on the context that they are framed by. A top with a feeding fetish might take on the role of a caretaker and further infantilize her bottom by feeding him through a bottle. She might be sadistic by tying him down and feeding him past his comfort level, or mixing the food with bodily fluids. Alternately, the feeder might provide a service to his top by carefully preparing a meal to her specifications, then kneeling on all fours to provide a human table. No need for mood music at this romantic dinner, because the sounds of his stomach growling will do.

Food is an emotional subject for many people because we nurture ourselves and others with it. Certain foods are tied to religion, to childhood, and to historical events we can experience through role play. For individuals with a history of disordered eating and body image, incorporating food into play can be especially powerful. Like other forms of self harm, binging and purging releases an adrenaline rush that some kinky people eroticize. Choosing to only practice previously destructive habits during a scene and with a trusted partner can give someone an opportunity to feel control over these impulses.

When you play with food, always remember to keep it healthy, and I’m not talking about sticking to your fruits and vegetables. Sure, certain edibles look ripe to penetrate or to be penetrated, but consider how dirt, bacteria, and, especially, sugar, are likely to lead to unpleasant infections. Butts are more tolerant of unusual visitors, but vaginas not so much. Their close proximity makes vigilance against cross contamination a must for most bodies. Consider using the same barrier protection that you would use with your human lovers. Male and female condoms also protect against scrapes and contain any breakage or pieces that might be left behind. In the end, though, listen to your partner and his or her desires and concerns. Individuals must always assess the risks for themselves in order to make their scene their own, and consequently as hot as freakin’ possible.

Written by our resident expert on sploshing Switch Margot. Photo by Mistress Blunt and SeeMistressCook.com, a tantalizing blog from the intersection of food and S&M. Make sure to check out Margot’s favorite recipe!